I didn’t have a very good day today. To be honest, this week wasn’t much fun. We are facing a little bit of a family problem (this is an understatement) and though we are the least concerned about it, it is still very unsettling just to know about it. I would like to write down everything that bothers me but that won’t be a fair thing to my family. Let it be enough that this thing made my whole week miserable and, on top of everything, my illness came back and with it, pain. Not much but this illness couldn’t have come at a worse period.
These two things, the family thing and my illness are the only thoughts I have. I cannot think of anything else. If my hands are busy but my mind is free, I visualise the worst outcome. I want to get rid of these thoughts because there is nothing I can do in either matter. For my illness, I take the medicines. For the family thing, I can do nothing. It is good when I can share my bitter thoughts with someone, mostly with my future mother-in-law, we both feel better but still no solution.
And there is one fear I try to keep to myself. It has started to eat me up but I know I have to find someone to confide in otherwise I’m going mad. Sadly, my boyfriend is out of the question because he cannot understand this and I’m even afraid to put it into words.
I know that probably I will feel myself better tomorrow but these fears won’t go away easily. But I’m tough, I will get rid of you, poisonous thoughts…
How many is the weather? 